Why Not Start a Megachurch?
The Blueprint for Exclamation Point Fellowship
1. I have a fair amount of hair, but will need to puff it out more.
2. The teeth needs some whitening.
3. I better lose some weight.
4. I need a new wardrobe.
5. Major portions of the Bible need to go into hiding for the sermons.
6. No more yelling during preaching.
7. I need to learn how to smile--all the time. I can hire a coach.
8. Hire a dozen sociologists to canvas the target audience and craft a designer church.
9. Cultivate the best parking lot philosophy. Hire a team of engineers.
10. Out hi-tech the hi-techs. Every seat will have a video screen, just like on airplane trips. People can get close ups of the stage, surf the net, or play Christian video games--all during the service. After each service each attendee will be asked to rate the service on line, so we can get feedback for next week. All who do this will automatically have their names entered into the church's own lottery! "The Lord's Lotto" (TM).
11. We will have hostesses serving refreshments during the service.
12. We will have a coffee bar.
13. We will have a real bar!
14. We will have a food court.
15. We will have a basketball court!
16. We will court celebrities for testimonies!
17. We will deploy special effects: laser lights on stage, sound effects, mist machines, blowers, risers. Demons and angels can be simulated. Even God can be simulated, given the proper lighting and mega-subwoofers!
Now, who will help me fund this ecclesiastical extravaganza? I assure you, we will start with a Bang!!!